Darling Clementine

I’ve gotten to the point where i just don’t like to discuss my life with mother anymore. We’ve stopped inviting her places and work is just about the only place I see her. We’re/I’m just not in the mood for her shenanigans anymore. If you can’t play nice, you can’t play at all.

My birthday is Thursday (OLD, ). She’s throwing me a party on the 27th for it. I just don’t care to show up at all. There’s never anyone there that I like or care to hang out with. It’s a fucking keg party, which I hate. The only reason she throws parties is to be the center of fucking attention. Doesn’t matter what it’s for. The last time I had a big birthday bash she turned it around on herself, so I’m not holding out much hope for this one. People from work are supposed to show up and I want her to bust out her true colours in front of them so hard.

But, yeah. I just don’t feel like telling her about my goings-on anymore. We had a super bowl party… she wasn’t invited. She can’t fucking behave herself, therefore she’s not invited. We all decided that shit around Christmastime when my grandpa was in town & we all went out to dinner. She bitched & acted like a petulant child from the moment we got there until days after it was over. And I had to hear all about it. Therefore, we’ve stopped giving a shit about her because she clearly doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself.

“What did you guys do for super bowl?” “Was anyone over there?” “I had to sit at home by myself.” That, which is a lie because she then later told me that she went across the street to hang out with her neighbours for a bit. You’re not going to guilt me with that “I’m all alone/I have no friends” bullshit. You have plenty of friends, you just apparently don’t ever call them. Seriously. Or maybe you do and they’re avoiding you b/c you act the same way around them.

A “hey, what did you do this weekend” is terribly innocent from anyone but her. God forbid you do anything fun without having invited her along. She’s got some sort of inferiority complex going on that is really fucking annoying. Someone has something she doesn’t? Someone buys something? Oh, those are apparently the biggest personal affronts to her EVER. How dare someone have something i don’t.

She’s always saying that people should step back and look at the common denominator when someone else bitches about the same thing. You know, one day I’m going to tell her the same thing. I’m tired of stressing myself out over it and I’m going to stop. I just don’t give a shit anymore. I’ll be 30-years-old on the 25th…. I’m too old for this fucking junior-high guilt-trip shit, especially from my own mother.

I totally told a truck driver to kiss my ass this morning. Motherfucker had it coming. I was not in the mood for smart-ass jokes about my work performance. Especially from some smelly loser. Allow me to start from the beginning…

Drivers come in to pick up some cheap shit. They’re early, so I’m not in the mood. I’m currently processing orders, so it’s going to be a minute. Georgia tells SmartAss McGee that I’m currently doing that and it’ll be a minute. (It doesn’t take me long, because I fucking rule.) I’m coming around the corner from the stairs as she’s telling him. Then as I’m picking up the folders, I hear this…

“[current real name] needs to step it up a notch.”

(cue me turning around with that LOOK on my face. oh yeah, peaches, you know that look i get when i’m going to get stabby.)

“You need to kiss my ass.”

Then cue his other smart-ass comment about me not having had my coffee this morning. I don’t drink coffee during the week and I manage just fine so SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SMELLY LOSER.

I just ignored him and went about my business. I went back upstairs and came back down a few minutes later and he cracks off, “It’ll be OK, [current real name}.”

I swear to everything Holy I almost went over there and kicked him in his fucking shins. Anyway…

So, how is everyone? BRILLIANT!

Isn’t it amazing, your attitude adjustment, on days where you don’t have to be anywhere. Days you can lay around in your pyjamas all day, hair unkempt, crust in your eyes, mainlining coffee like it’s going out of style. Days where you don’t have to hold your tongue because you don’t want to hear the noise coming out of anyone else’s face. Days where you can chase the dog around the house like an idiot. Days… days like this. Days that will probably come to an end soon after they catch on to me. Actually, they probably don’t care if I’m there at all. No, no, they care because there’s no one there to take advantage of.

No one to do their bidding because God forbid they have to do anything. No one who will silently sit there and take it because they’re too much of a pussy lately to pop off. No one there who is hiding everything… contempt, mainly. But, whatever. We’re not going to think about those assholes because they don’t factor into our day… our hours… our lives. If they all suddenly dropped dead I would probably let out a cheer. Cold, horrible, mean, whatever. They don’t care and neither do I.

So you can cook your own damned turkey, wrap your own damned presents – and while you’re at it, you can all ride a one-horse open sleigh to Hell!

I’ve decided… it’s a new year. A new chapter. One that barely anyone but the author and a few hardcore fans is going to like. The rest of you can kiss my ass. Kiss it so hard your lying, two-faced lips will fall off.

So there.

Thursday may have been my last day at work. I’m still not entirely sure. I just can’t take the bullshit anymore. And as long as Dickface is in charge, the bullshit will continue. It will continue unchecked and unreprimanded because apparently The Bullshit is an expert dick-sucker.

We all know that I’ll just puss out and show up Monday morning like I wasn’t even thinking anything contrary. I’ll continue to bend over and take it up the tailpipe all while silently bitching and cursing my own existence. Because I’m a huge pussy and won’t find anywhere else to work. Because I enjoy being treated like shit, apparently. Because I’m just so beaten down by life and have no motivation or willpower to do anything else.

I’d say that this new year will bring changes, but… it won’t. I’ll just sit back and do the same old shit and try to not kill myself just like the previous year. Epiphanies and whatnot can feel free to jump in at any time… because Lord knows I’m not going to do it myself.

So, I seem to have regained my human form. Too bad it involves going back to work with children, . Apparently I missed a bunch of drama yesterday. Well, you know what I say to that? Good. I don’t want to hear about it nor be involved in it so please to be shutting up.

Thank goodness I still have Fridays off. Today was my first day back & I’m already looking forward to busting the fuck out on Thursday afternoon, . Plus, I’m still kind of ill. Not in the “throwing everything I’ve eaten since 1985″ way; that was Monday. Or the “why the fuck won’t this damn headache go away; why is the room spinning” way; that was yesterday. ha ha! But that last lingering bit of headache combined with whatever the hell my throat thinks it’s doing.

I may live… we’ll see. If not, I own drugs.