YET, when busted out on the fact that YOU WERE INDEED talking shit about that person… you “don’t talk shit about [person], except maybe when I need to call her a bitch under my breath.”

You were just talking mad shit. Oh wait, sorry, you don’t talk shit. OWN UP TO IT. Shit. This isn’t the first time you’ve been busted out by the person you were sharing said shit with; to then be confronted by said shittee. Seriously.

I’d be all like, “Fuck yeah, I was talking about you. Wanna know why? Because you beat babies with kittens.” Or whatever dumb fucking excuse you need to come up with. Personally I enjoy the truth, but whatever. “Yeah, I was talking shit about you, you dumb fucking twat.”

Yeah. But then half the time you can’t even understand what the fuck they’re typing because apparently they no longer speak English as their first language and have spun off into speaking Dumbfuckish and no one except other people who speak Dumbfuckish ever comment because they’re the only one who know what that one person is typing. Don’t dare write back in English because sometimes their brains are so fried from being “best friends with Jane” (written in Dumbfuckish, of course) they don’t understand what the fuck you just written.

And, since you pay for web hosting/domain names/blog space, you can go and write this in response to their dumbass status update:

OF COURSE YOUR KIDS ARE FUCKING ASLEEP AFTER “SWIMMING” ALL DAY. YOU HAD THEM OUT YESTERDAY ON ONE OF THE HOTTEST FUCKING DAYS OF THE SUMMER (IT TOPPED 105 BITCH AND THE HEAT INDEX MADE IT FEEL WORSE). THEY’RE PROBABLY FUCKING SUNBURNT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU DON’T PUT SUNSCREEN ON THEM. PROBABLY SUFFERING FROM A LITTLE BIT OF HEAT EXHAUSTION (WHICH FUCKING SUCKS TO HAVE BY THE WAY, I KNOW I HAD TONS OF FUN WITH MY RAGING CASE OF IT). I KNOW THEY DON’T EVER DRINK WATER, LOOK AT YOU. BUT, OH, AS LONG AS YOU HAD FUN “GETTING YOUR TAN ON”. I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR SKIN CANCER YOU NASTY ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKER.

That’s just from yesterday. We’re not even going to get into the asinine update from a few days ago where this stupid-ass was mentioning going back to her “old ways.” Bitch, I swear…

This is your niece’s special day. You sit your ass down and shut your fucking mouth. If you didn’t want to be there, guess what? YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BE. No one came to your house and forced you to leave it by gunpoint. You could have politely declined and that was the end of that. No, YOU chose to go, so act like a fucking civilised human once in your life.

The snide little comments under your breath aren’t cute. Great, you don’t share the same beliefs as someone else… no one gives a shit. Oh, you don’t believe in marriage, really? Because it’s all you talk about. You don’t have to be married blah-de-blah it’s just a piece of paper, it blah-deee-WHARGARBBL. PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU… but I guess that was your point. Shut your fucking face.

Oh, and especially stop whispering those comments to my 12-year-old half-brother. The poor child is picking up on your shit and it’s not amusing. You’re not being cute or funny, you’re being an obnoxious asshole.

I especially LOVE the shit-talking of the groom’s family. Really, you’re just going to say that out loud? Oh wait, yes, yes you are. It’s alcohol time? Heavens forbid you don’t go five damn seconds without your precious alcohol. Oh, something something heathens? Oh, you’re talking about yourself? Right. Oh and me? You’re just going to bring me into something I have nothing to do with? Yeah, no. Just fucking NO.

“At least I’m behaving myself.”
“What?”
“Oh, nothing.”

/edit: Other than that asshole, it was a very lovely time… oh and being blatantly ignored, only then to be asked where my brother was… whatever. I wanted to full-on make-out with her dress and the bridesmaids’ dresses. Photos in a minute… maybe.

My, my where are my fucking manners?

Dear Meth-head, I CAN be driven to violence. So, you know… keep that in mind while you keep lying on me and trying to set me up. Don’t fucking “trip” down the stairs, bitch.

Anyway, allow me to get this out of my system: YEAH, IT WAS ME WHO BUSTED YOU OUT, YOU FUNCTIONALLY-RETARDED EEJIT. IT WAS ME ON FRIDAY, TOO. KEEP IT UP AND SO WILL I!

Ugh, I can’t stand that motherfucker. I hope he gets fired. Yeah, yeah, I’m a horrible person. I didn’t say I was going on a mission to get him fired… yet. ha! He’s pushing it, dudes. Aaaaaanyway…

Know what else I hate? When people try to make themselves sound smarter than they really are. “You keep using that word…” CUT THAT SHIT OUT. Also, along the same vein… people who change their speaking manner, stop trying to sound uppity. Chick at work did that shit earlier while paging someone over the intercom & I wanted to hit her. You don’t see me walking around with a fucking English accent even though there are some days I REALLY need to be English. Seriously.

Maybe I just hate people. We should build a compound… in England… with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the blackjack.

Drivers come in to pick up some cheap shit. They’re early, so I’m not in the mood. I’m currently processing orders, so it’s going to be a minute. Georgia tells SmartAss McGee that I’m currently doing that and it’ll be a minute. (It doesn’t take me long, because I fucking rule.) I’m coming around the corner from the stairs as she’s telling him. Then as I’m picking up the folders, I hear this…

“[current real name] needs to step it up a notch.”

(cue me turning around with that LOOK on my face. oh yeah, peaches, you know that look i get when i’m going to get stabby.)

“You need to kiss my ass.”

Then cue his other smart-ass comment about me not having had my coffee this morning. I don’t drink coffee during the week and I manage just fine so SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SMELLY LOSER.

I just ignored him and went about my business. I went back upstairs and came back down a few minutes later and he cracks off, “It’ll be OK, [current real name}.”

I swear to everything Holy I almost went over there and kicked him in his fucking shins. Anyway…

So, how is everyone? BRILLIANT!

Facebook Wants to Be Your One True Login

This is why morons shouldn’t be allowed to own computers. Seriously? I’m only up to page 7 of the comments right now; but seriously? Even after the article was edited to include the message that THIS SITE ISN’T FUCKING FACEBOOK, people are still *~*confused*~*.

This crap is fucking hilarious. I really, really wonder about some people’s literacy. Seriously, get grandma off the fucking computer.

Facebook – BLUE. RRW – RED. I know Facebook has been instituting a lot of changes lately, but Jesus-fucking-Christ people, they didn’t change the damn layout.

Stupid people make my brain hurt. I’m seriously wondering how these people manage to function in their daily lives if they can’t even manage to get to a fucking web site they apparently frequent like it’s going out of style. How do they work microwaves, or an ATM, or breathing?

Haha, this thread got me thinking. All these people use Google to get to Facebook? How do they get to Google? I’d have to guess their homepage is Google. Now if only there were a way to change that homepage to Facebook they’d be stuck!

Posted by: Rofl | February 11, 2010 2:50 PM

hahahahahaha! If you use Google to get to Google, is that like dividing by zero and destroying the world? YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU JUST BROKE THE INTERNET.

/edit: Most of the stupid-asses have managed to click on the option that lets you comment with your Facebook details. Therefore, you have a face and profile to go along with the stupid. I’ve been visiting some of them… oh people older than me, .

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Whew, that feels better. Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck would I gain from trying to sabotage you? Seriously? Stop mainlining drain cleaner, idiot.

Seriously, though… if I was going to sabotage her, I wouldn’t make it so bleeding obvious. Plus, even if I were, the moron is so dumb she wouldn’t know it even if it jumped up and smacked her fucking ugly-ass teeth out.

I’ve had a raging headache all day, I’m not in the mood for these children.

After yesterday, where I had a gigantic headache (oh my eyeballs and the light!, a repeat of Monday), had to drive home in ICE (fun times), and just generally had to put up with morons… I’ve decided I’m going to stop talking to a couple of people. The only time I will talk to these idiots is at work, and only about work things… you know just to make the process smoother. Other than that, fuck off and die. I will NOT make small talk with you, I will NOT listen to or participate in your bitching/shit-talking… I’m just going to NOT do anything.

Main person… oh we all know who that bitch is… I’m probably going to stop answering her phone calls unless The Roommate answers the phone… which he usually doesn’t. I’m sick of her bullshit so fucking hard I just, I don’t know. She seems to have ramped up the asshole this week. I called her on some of it (i.e., see last post) and she’s ever the deny-er. I’m not quite sure her fascination with trying to get me to quit my job. Whenever I’m even slightly annoyed or having an off-day, that’s the first thing that comes up. “You CAN find somewhere to go,” “You don’t HAVE to be here.” ETC ETC ETC, ad nauseum, over and fucking over… SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Apparently everyone is allowed to be annoyed at the entire world, or the small little work world of morons… everyone but me, that is. I’m not sure if she views me as some sort of threat, or what; but, it’s getting old. Old at work and old in life. It’s the same thing away from work. YOU’RE WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. Well, WE can; but then you feel threatened by everyone else, or some stupid shit I’ve long stopped trying to figure out.

This is why no one invites you places; because you don’t know how to behave. She asked me last Sunday if The Roommate was having a Super Bowl party. I just shrugged my shoulders because I didn’t want to get into it. Yes, yes, he is and you’re not invited. You’re not invited because you don’t know how to behave around adults… or children and animals really. Everyone but you is invited. So piss off.

Oh, you’ve invited everyone over to watch at your house… good for you, puddin’. Have fun. Oh, the Pro Bowl is on Sunday… have fun watching by yourself. Have I ever mentioned that I don’t really like hand-egg football?